How to use Uncertainty in Relationships to Grow
Being in a Relationship is a Beautiful Experience. The extra care, Pampering each other, providing attention makes us feel loveable and gives the feeling of Certainty.
However, the relationships are full of ups and down and hence sometimes there is certainty and sometimes there is uncertainty due to whatever reason.
We all feel comfortable when there is a sense of certainty in a relationship but experience panic when there is uncertainty. Experiencing uncertainties is a natural human feeling. They are nothing but the defense mechanism our brain use to protect ourselves from the potential pain.
Relationships provides us with the most juice in life and hence during uncertainties our brain does what it does and tricks us to be defensive rather than optimistic.
So just how do we stop this urge to self-protect? How do we not take some stupid steps that may cause us more pain in future? How do we Deal with Unreal Expectations?
We all have needs and feelings from relationships as well as our partners and we need to learn to understand these to strengthen your relationship.
1. Ask Better Questions
Let me ask you something – How does uncertainty trigger in our mind? In fact, how does any feeling trigger at all? One Answer – Questions! We ask ourselves questions in our head as to what this means to us and why is this happening.
The questions we ask ourselves subconsciously evaluates how we’re going to feel and hence it is critical to ask better questions to avoid falling in the trap of uncertainty at all.
Most of the time we let our subconscious mind direct our way of life and that is a sure shot way towards misery and pain. Therefore, we must learn to ask questions consciously and hence guide our feelings.
An example would be – Replace why he or she is doing it to what is the need he or she is trying to accomplish. Consciously asking better questions can lead to better answers.
2. Understand their perspectives
Relationships are all about understanding. The better you understand your partners need the better your relationship would be. As we mentioned above, there is a need that your partner is looking to accomplish through their actions and hence it is our job to first understand their perspective and hence their needs.
Understanding their perspective includes taking actions that would lead your partner to understand that you care for this relationship.
3. Share what you’re thinking
One of the old saying says – Sharing is caring and that cannot be more true during the time when the relationship is going through a difficult phase. Releasing inner withholding would help your partner to understand about your thought pattern and your perspective at last.
Nowadays we see that there is a Communication Issues in many people which makes the relationship difficult. Solving this issue, I personally believe can solve many issues in the relationship. This creates trust and we know that trust is one of the important factors in relationships.
Trust plays a crucial role in relationship. Without trust, none of the relationships can last long. The power of trust is strong and uncertainty stand no chance in a relationship that has a strong base as trust.
Trust is a choice. We have to consciously learn to choose to trust our partner even during the times when things do not go in your favor.
Trust also comes when you realize that your partner only has a positive intent. They are just trying to fulfil a need and hence observing their actions is critical rather than reacting. We need to be aware that their actions only have a positive intent and we should only focus on their need.
Trust that their intent is correct and find out what can you do at the moment during their uncertainty. This also helps us to learn more about the process of letting go.
5. Be Conscious
We must remember that we only have control on ourselves. How we react to a particular scenario determines how we’re going to feel and that is how we’re going to treat the other person. We must treat others as we ourselves would like to be treated. We can set an example of what we want as a partner and show them our needs.
Therefore, it is very necessary to be alive and conscious of your thoughts and feelings. You need to be consciously aware that this uncertainty in a relationship is only an opportunity to grow your relationship but you as a person too.
Staying conscious about your behavioral pattern leads to asking better questions and hence the better the question the better the answer and hence the better the feeling towards them.
6. It is about Giving not Receiving
For most of us, our experiences and teachings teach us that we must give to get. However, that is not true. We must give without an expectation of any sort. We need to learn to be fulfilled after giving and not getting. Relationships are all about finding their needs and fulfilling it. Do not be in a relationship if you’re expectations are just to receive.
We need to learn what their desires are and what they need and put aside our desire of getting something in return. Do not try to change their needs just to match yours because we love someone because of what they are and not what we want them to be.
7. Do not Dominate
We all dominate or punish our partners when things don’t go as planned. We all become too rebellious when our partner does something that causes us pain. This rebellious behaviour leads to indirect dominations like silent treatment or ignorance that causes more damage than good.
In such scenario, we must learn to understand rather than punish. When we take this initiative to understand our partners needs, we give them indirect signals that we care of them and would like to take the relationship towards deeper intimacy.
Hey, y'all I'm Faisal!!👋
I’m SO excited you’re here! I’m super passionate about improving ourselves and the daily challenges we Millennials go through, gives me hope to change our lives for good!